I'll Be Thinking About You
by alysonstrivelli
Summary: I'm not good at summaries. You should read it though!


_Welp, I'm back! So, this is way out of my comfort zone. Me? Writing Kogan? *dramatic music* Yes. How awkward is that? I never write Kogan, because, as you all know, I captain the Kames ship. Along with all the other Kames shippers out there. BUT. Because I love my best friend oh so much, I decided to troll her and write a Kogan fic. But, as I began writing it, I found that I had quite a good idea for it, even though it's a typical one, and I actually sat down and worked hard on it. It's based off the end of Big Time Break Up, more towards the middle , anyway. I apologize for my terrible writing of my sex scenes. It's more rushed towards the end, but it's late, and I'm sleepy, and I want to get this uploaded before I go to bed and before I forget that I actually finished this. So go forth, and read my horrid sex scenes and writing of Kogan, and enjoy if you like._

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><p>Kendall Knight always knew two things about himself. One; his passion was hockey. Hockey was in his blood, no matter where he went in the world, he knew that one day, he would want, no, need, to play hockey for his career, or even just as a hobby. He could never give that up. So when he met his three best friends in Pee Wee hockey camp when he was six years old, he knew that hockey would always bring good things. Best friends, good memories, and opportunities that only come along once in a life time. Who knew that while playing hockey and growing up in Minnesota, would bring along a chance at the big time. In Hollywood, when him, Logan, and Carlos had concocted a plan to help make James famous. When Gustavo Rocque, who claims to turn a dog into a pop star, turned James away, and Kendall jumped to the rescue, things would never be the same.<p>

So when Gustavo drove back, desperate for Kendall to go to Hollywood, Kendall wouldn't go without his three best friends, despite his need to be in Minnesota and play hockey. He didn't want to abandon the team, but when you get to sing for a living, in the Los Angeles son with the stars, you don't ask questions, you just go. Instead of going by himself, Kendall strikes up a deal. That if you want Kendall, you take Logan, James and Carlos with him. And the next thing they knew, they were hopping on a plane to Los Angeles to become the new pop group sensation; Big Time Rush.

And number two? Kendall was hopelessly, desperately, head over heels, crazy, mind blowing, heart stopping, stomach turning, and helplessly in love with Logan Mitchell.

Now, Kendall isn't gay. Kendall has _always_ been attracted to girls. Despite being best friends with James, who always got the girls, Kendall knew exactly how to get a girl to melt in front of him with just a simple smile. The way his eyes reflected in the sun, and how when he smiled, his dimples shone without reason. What girl doesn't fall for that? Kendall had special powers. But things like this came with disadvantages. Kendall never stuck around. Because it always resorted back to Logan.

Kendall loved Logan. But Kendall never let anyone know that. He just wanted to get by, without anyone giving him a hard time about it. In Minnesota, maybe it would've been easier. Maybe, in a few years, he would've confessed his undying love for Logan. But not in LA. Not where everything he worked hard to uphold could be crushed. So instead of giving in to temptation, Kendall held back, and kept reminding himself that if it was meant to be, it would've happened in Minnesota.

But Kendall never knew that Logan loved him back. Logan had that same, gut wrenching, heart shattering love for Kendall. Logan admired Kendall for everything he was. Logan loved the way Kendall smiled, and held their friendship together. The way Kendall was so passionate in what he did, the way Kendall protected the others like they were his family. Logan wanted Kendall's perseverance, his strength, his confidence. Actually, Logan just wanted Kendall.

And Logan wanted to tell Kendall. He wanted Kendall to know that when he would lay in bed after a long day at the studio, his voice aching and his muscles sore, he wanted to crawl into bed with Kendall and just kiss his pain away. But Kendall already had someone to help him with that.

That someone's name was liked Jo.

Jo was a sweetheart, and she cared a lot about Kendall. She made Kendall smile. And Kendall thought Jo was one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. She had beautiful blonde flowing hair, was small and petite, and well, just everything that Logan wasn't. And Kendall, being the man what he was, would always tell Logan how great in bed she is. Kendall liked having sex with Jo. From what Logan hears in the studio and at home, Kendall loved going to her apartment and having something to do all the time.

But what Jo didn't know was that every single time he was with her, Kendall would close his eyes and for a split second, he would imagine himself opening his emerald orbs and there would be Logan, kissing him, sharing the same passion with him, _owning_ him. But it never was. And that sometimes was much to Kendall's disappointment.

Not that it ever mattered anyway, because Logan had Camille.

Kendall hated seeing Logan with Camille. It wasn't because Camille was a bitch, because Camille was the most loveable girl in the world. She was always smiling and having a good time, and basically finding the best outlook on any situation. It was because Camille could touch and kiss and hold hands with Logan whenever she wanted to. And that didn't sit well with Kendall.

But, neither of the two were man enough to confess the truth behind it all, and so they stayed like they were. Best friends. Nothing less, nothing more. Best friends, just like two guys should be. That all came crumbling down when Jo left for New Zealand. The four had sat on their orange couch in their apartment with Jo, waiting for her cell phone to ring. Carlos had begun his rambling, not really thinking of the words spilling from his lips, when the phone rang, cutting through Carlos as Jo frantically picked it up. When she announced she got the part, they all shot up, excitedly yelling as she said more of what her agent was telling her. "It's shooting in New Zealand for three years..?"

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><p>Logan, Carlos and James stood behind Kendall, who was staring blankly out the window of their airport, his hand touching the glass as the plane had begun to take off. Fighting back tears that threatened to come forward, Kendall turned around, facing his three best friends after letting her go. After being together for a year, he had grown to fall in love with her. With someone who wasn't Logan. And now, the one person he had given it all for, was out of his ride back to the Palm Woods was surprisingly quiet, and the minute the limo pulled to a stop, Kendall was out of the car, making a beeline straight for 2J. The other three piled out, one by one, silently making their way back behind him. By the time they got back, Kendall was already locked away in his and Logan's shared bedroom, hiding in his bed. They all just looked at each other, shaking their heads.<p>

That night, when everyone else had gone about their own business, (James running off to say goodbye to Selana, Kelly taking Carlos to the studio to tell Gustavo about his helmet, and Mrs. Knight taking Katie out to give Kendall some privacy,) Logan had come back from his date with Camille, to an empty apartment. He sighed, walking towards the living room, tossing his keys onto the table, when he was met with soft sobs coming from his bedroom. As quietly as possible, he made his way towards the bedroom, his hand resting on the doorknob. He knew exactly who was in his room and what his crying was about, but Logan, being the best friend he promised Kendall he would be in the first grade, he quietly pushed the door open.

The sight he met with made his heart shatter. Kendall was sprawled out across his bed, the sheets tangled in a mess at the foot of the bed, his pillow clutched closely to his bare chest, tears staining his flushed cheeks. Logan sighed, closing the door silently behind him and making his way over to the bed. "Kendall?"

The blonde's head shot up. "L-Logan, I didn't know you were home…I-I thought you were out w-with Camille."

Logan sat down, the mattress dipping under his weight, as his hand came up, rubbing soothing circles into his back. "She wasn't feeling good, so I came back."

"Oh." the blonde hiccupped, hugging his pillow closer. Logan kept rubbing circles against his skin, his fingers trailing up his spine, across his shoulders, through the hair on the nape of his neck, when he shuddered, and looked back at Logan. "L-Logie, I miss her so m-much."

Logan ran a hand soothingly through his hair, gently massaging his scalp. "I know, Kendall." he whispered, as Kendall sat up, and the brunette wrapped an arm around Kendall's shoulders, pulling him into his chest. "Let it out, man."

And Kendall did. He buried his face into Logan's t-shirt, his hands keeping a tight hold on it, tears pouring from his eyes, down his flushed cheeks. Logan wrapped his other arm around the blonde, trying his best to stop the uncontrollable shaking, and sobs ripping from the young boys throat. It took all of Logan's will not to break down in front of him, his heart shattering over again with every sob that escaped Kendall's lips. "Logie it's not f-fair. I know I t-told her it was okay to go, but I miss her. I miss her so m-much, Logan. She's the only girl I fell in love with. I d-didn't want to let her go."

Logan cupped Kendall's cheek with his hand, forcing the broken boy to look at him. The brunette stroked his thumb across Kendall's cheek, wiping the constant flow of tears streaming from his eyes. "I know, Kendall, I know you didn't want to. But it's for the best. She was giving up the role of a lifetime. Did you want her to do that?"

"N-no, of course n-not. I feel so selfish for wanting her t-to stay. But I…I love her. For once, I learned to love someone else." and that's all he said. Kendall's cheeks flushed, and he turned his head away to face the wall, hoping that Logan hadn't caught what he just said. No such luck.

"Someone else?" Logan's breath hitched in his throat. "Kendall, you _never_ committed to a girl. How could their possibly be someone else?" it came out in almost a laugh. Kendall looked up, growing a little annoyed that his best friend could be _laughing _at him. When he was heartbroken, of all times.

"What, you think because I never committed that there wasn't anyone else? For your information, Logan, it wasn't necessarily a girl who I cared about, okay?" Kendall stood up, wiping angrily at his tears. He walked over to the door, a hand on the doorknob, when he felt Logan grab his other wrist.

"Wait…Kendall what do you mean? You-liked a _guy_?"

The blonde sighed, turning back around to face the shorter boy. "Yes, Logan. If I didn't make it anymore clear to you, I didn't like a girl, I liked a guy. And you know what, it doesn't matter anymore, because he never loved me back. Not that you really can understand that."

"Of course I can, Kendall, I loved someone back in Minnesota. If you're wondering, as _stupid_ as I am, I still love him. Not that he really cares anyway."

The two boys just stared at each other. Anxious green met uncertain brown, and for a second, the entire world stopped, everything clicking into place. Kendall just looked at Logan, biting his lip softly, putting together the pieces. Before Logan had time to react, the blonde was tugging him by his shirt, pressing their bodies flush together, sealing their lips in a passionate kiss that could've stopped the time if possible. Logan's hands immediately found the blonde locks, keeping a firm grip on them as their lips moved together, sensual and loving, passionate and hot. Suffering from lack of oxygen, Logan pulled back, keeping their foreheads together, a small string of saliva connecting their lips.

"Logan…"

"I can't pretend anymore, Kendall, I love you." another short but passionate kiss, and Kendall had his hands sliding down to Logan's waist, around to his back, his arms holding him against his chest. "I love you too, Logan. I wanted to tell you, but I just, I didn't want to risk the band, and you were so happy with Camille, and then I found Jo, and everything just happened so fast."

Logan's finger slid between their faces, pressing against Kendall's lips, successively quieting him. "I know, baby. But I'm here now, you have me. You always had me, Kendall. You're all that I want."

Kendall slid his hands down to Logan's thighs, lifting him up, allowing him to wrap his legs around the blonde's hips. "I thought that you wanted Camille." Kendall placed gentle kisses to Logan's finger, across his lips to his jaw. "Don't even mention her. It's you, Kendall. Always been you." Logan tipped his head forward, resting his forehead against the blonde's shoulder, as Kendall's lips made their way to his neck. Open-mouthed, hot kisses made their way against Logan's skin, every inch of skin touched left with a burning mark after being touched by Kendall. When Kendall found the brunette's pulse, his tongue slipped between his lips, lapping lightly at his pulse before taking it between his teeth, nibbling hard enough for his blood to rise, leaving a nice mark for the world to see. "Mm, Kendall. Bed…now, please."

Kendall complied, walking over towards the bed, kicking the door shut again, laying Logan on his back. The blonde quickly got up, running over to lock the door to take precaution in case someone came home early. He turned back around, looking at Logan, who had himself laid out across the bed, palming himself through his jeans. Kendall bit on his lip, trying to keep a smirk off his face as he walked back over to the bed, crawling up and over the brunette. Logan looked up, running a hand over Kendall's side, tracing patterns into his skin. "You wanna help me out of my shirt, baby?"

The blonde smiled. "Like you even had to ask." Kendall moved back enough for Logan to sit up, and Kendall's hands immediately found their way to Logan's soft t-shirt, sliding it up slowly, admiring the skin that slowly came into view. Once it was completely over Logan's head, Kendall threw his shirt on the floor, placing a hand on the smaller boy's shoulder, gently pushing him back onto the bed. The blonde took his time in running his fingers slowly down Logan's body, taking in the sight of his toned chest and stomach, loving the way Logan's muscles contracted under the lightest touch Kendall gave to him. Kendall's fingers found their way back to Logan's neck, and they immediately were replaced with his lips, using a light suction to travel down the same path his fingers left. Logan's hands were on Kendall's shoulder blades, slowly applying more pressure the further Kendall's lips moved. Kendall stopped at Logan's chest, letting his lips fall over one of the small boy's nipples, sucking and nipping, making Logan writhe underneath him, an appreciative sigh slipping past his lips. "That feel good, babe?"

Logan sighed again, digging his fingers into the muscle of Kendall's shoulder. "So good, Kendall." The brunette felt Kendall's lips curve up into a smile against his skin, as he moved his mouth over, giving the other nipple the same treatment. While Kendall was busy working on Logan's chest, Logan took that opportunity to slip a hand down, to Kendall's waist, in between his legs, and cup his hand over Kendall's growing erection. Kendall's body reacted, jolting forward at the feel of the small hand moving in strange ways over his cloth covered cock. Logan smirked, repeating Kendall's words to him. "That feel good, baby?"

"Mm, Logan…more." Kendall moved his hips against Logan's hand in the same rhythm, groaning quietly against his skin.

"You want more?"

"Yes, Logan. Please, I need more." The small boy smirked, pushing his hand past Kendall's sweatpants and boxers, grabbing onto his erection full on, stroking it delicately. The blonde groaned against his chest, dropping his head down. "Mm, Logie, that's so good."Logan inhaled sharply, pulling his hand suddenly away from Kendall's erection to latch his hands into Kendall's hair. Kendall looked at him, confused in some sorts. "Kendall, I want you to do something for me." The blonde looked at him, smiling softly before leaning down, placing a soft kiss to his lips. "Anything, Logan." The brunette carded his fingers through Kendall's hair, tracing his fingers along his scalp gently. "Kendall, make love to me."

"Logan, don't you think we should wait-"

"No, Kendall, we waited long enough. I'm positive. I love you, I want you. Please."

Kendall smiled, and instead of answering, he leaned back down, kissing the small boy underneath him with all the love and passion he could manage, letting him know this was real. Kendall loved him. Kendall wanted him. This is what they both had wanted.

Logan ran his hands down Kendall's body, stopping at his hips to push his sweatpants and boxers down his legs, Kendall kicking them off to assist him. The blonde immediately went to work on Logan's jeans, fighting for a minute with the zipper, earning a soft laugh from Logan. The laugh quickly turned into a sigh of relief when he felt his jeans and boxers strip from his body. Kendall smiled, admiring all that Logan had to offer. "Someone's a little excited to see me."

A blush painted Logan's cheeks, as his face turned towards the wall. Kendall smiled, crawling back up the expanse of Logan's body, placing a hand on his flaming cheek, turning his face back towards his own. "Hey, it's okay. I'm excited too, you know that." Logan smiled again, reaching up to take Kendall's hand, removing it from his face. He took two of Kendall's fingers between his lips, lapping at them softly, before applying a gentle suction on them. The blonde bit on his lip, watching at the small boy suck on his fingers. When he felt that his fingers were fully coated, Kendall retracted his fingers from the brunette's mouth, trailing them down Logan's body, making Logan inhale sharply and squeeze his eyes shut when they found his entrance. "Logan? Logan, look at me." His brown eyes opened, staring at Kendall's soft green ones. "I'm gonna put a finger in now, okay? Let me know if it hurts too much." Logan nodded, and he felt one of Kendall's fingers push in, and he squirmed slightly, the new intrusion not as bad as he had expected it to be. Kendall slowly moved his finger in and out, getting him used to the feeling, before adding another. Logan's body jumped forward, the pain overtaking the pleasure he had begun to feel. "Logan, we really don't have to do this. I'm hurting you."

"No, no, Kendall it's okay. I knew this was going to hurt, but it has to hurt before it gets better. Please, don't stop. I want this. I want _you_. Please." Kendall sighed, but began moving his fingers inside the boy, trying to get him used to the feeling. Before long, Logan had become a writhing, moaning mess underneath him, and Kendall smiled, placing soft kisses on the pale boy's neck. "Kendall…p-please Kendall, I'm ready."

Kendall removed his fingers, earning a soft groan of loss from Logan, before spitting into his hand, rubbing the moisture along his length. He positioned himself at Logan's entrance, looking at the boy one last time. "Logan, are you-"

"Kendall. I'm _positive._ I've never been so sure in my entire life of what I want. Please. Make love to me. I want you. I-I love you." And with those words, Logan felt his virginity being taken from him, and he latched his hands onto Kendall's biceps, squeezing tightly to distract him from the pain he felt. Kendall looked down at Logan's face, seeing the pain so easily written in his features, and ran a hand through the brunette's soft hair. "Shh, it's okay. I'm all the way in, baby, just let me know when you're ready. I won't move until you're sure you're okay."

The small boy looked up, tears stinging his eyes at the truth and love etched into Kendall's beautiful face. Logan reached a hand up, cupping Kendall's cheek, and pulled him down for a searing kiss, whispering against his lips for him to move. Kendall pulled out slightly before pushing back in, hearing Logan moan into his mouth. He smiled against the brunette's lips, and began placing kisses across any part of skin that was available to him as he began pushing harder into the boy. Before long, Logan was pushing back against Kendall, begging him for more. Kendall couldn't help but let a single tear escape from his eyes, as he thrust one last time into Logan, releasing into the warmth that had enclosed him. The feeling of Kendall releasing himself inside of him, Logan let out on last moan against Kendall's skin, releasing across his and the blonde's chest.

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><p>Kendall looked at Logan, who had began to drift into a peaceful sleep, tracing his fingers in random patterns across the soft skin of his hip. He leaned down, placing a gentle kiss to the brunette's forehead before getting out of the bed, and walking over to his dresser, pulling out a fresh pair of boxers and sweatpants. He climbed back into his bed, watching as Logan's eyes fluttered open. "I didn't mean to wake you." he whispered.<p>

Logan looked up, moving closer towards the blonde, resting his head on his chest. "You know, Kendall," Logan took a minute to yawn quietly, before closing his eyes again, "I do love you. I won't ever let you down. I just want you to know that."

"I know, Logie. I love you too."

"Just always remember that, okay? Since Minnesota. If my love for you survived from there, I don't think it's going away."

Kendall smiled, leaning down, placing a soft kiss to Logan's forehead, watching as his newly claimed boyfriend had fallen asleep after his words. He whispered to him quietly, before finding sleep himself, "Don't worry, my Logie. You have my heart."

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><p>And we are done! After...six and a half pages on word, I finally wrote my first Kogan. I hope you all liked it, leave me reviews and let me know what you thought of it! I'm honestly not disappointed with it, besides my terrible writing of a sex scene -_- but anyways! Leave reviews, because I do enjoy getting them :) <p>


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